The Scrapbook

Ms. B and Jack showed up at the house on the 23rd. They were delivering the dvd's from the state band competition. I was so terribly excited to see them because they are some of my very favorite people. I was even more excited when I found out the dvd they were delivering was already paid for!! YAY!! Ms. B is terrific about keeping me on track with band things and apparently she had a check from me months ago! I have no recollection of this, but was happy!!


I invited Ms. B and her hubby to come in and visit for a bit, which they did. While we were talking, Lucy stopped by. I assumed it was to pick up the cheeseball I had made for their family because between her schedule and mine, the cheeseball had remained in my fridge. Anyway, she was tickled to see Ms. B and Jack and we all settled down to visit. By now, the whole family is in the living room, as well, and Big Daddy has brought in chairs for everyone. Then, what do you know? In comes Babs!

Now, at this point, one might assume something was "up", but not me. I was just so happy to have my friends with me, that a devious plan was not in my thinking. I was wrong. They DID have a plan and it was NOT coincidence that they all showed up at the same time. (Those with chemo brain are at the mercy of planners and plotters...LOL)

And there it was. The Scrapbook. The fancy kind of scrapbook with die cuts and word balloons...gorgeous accent papers and pictures from the past. And it was for me. The tears were being held at bay but I knew they would flow soon enough...as in Page 1.

Page 1. Tears flow. There is a dedication to me that mentions my "strength, courage, hope, and faith" and I feel completely overwhelmed. Not at the words chosen, but that my family and these dear, dear friends of mine believe these things to be true of me.

I know me. I am not any of those things, but the people who know me best are not only saying that I am, but have also created a memory album displaying such. To say I was humbled as I read and savored each word, is an incredible understatement.

Page 2. Pictures of me as I went back to work with my beautiful, perfectly-perfect hair (a.k.a. wig) and a picture Big Daddy had taken of me in Indianapolis this fall. The title of the page is "Life is a Journey", and so it is.

Page 3. Big Daddy's page. It has die cuts of a Harley, like ours, a big ole moose for hunting, I assume, LOL, and pictures of Big Daddy and I. These pictures clearly show something that is very difficult to capture on camera...love.

Page 4. Precious Son's page. Oh my. I explained to Precious Son a while ago how "Mary, Did You Know?" was my very favorite song of all time because as a mother, this song touches you deeply and wholly. You understand what God did for us when you hold your firstborn child...and you are changed. He said he understood, but he really won't until he holds his own son one day... However, my son, my handsome, intelligent, funny, adorable son, had written a letter to me and placed it in the scrapbook. He said he was "amazed" that I was at every band competition even though I had cancer and very difficult chemo treatments. He went on to say that when I scheduled my chemo around his band itinerary, he was blown away. Funny, that's how he makes me feel...he blows me away. There is one picture on Precious Son's page that is of he and I hugging after he had won the State Championship. The picture is simple with his eyes closed, his head tucked into my neck, and my back to the camera...and it melts my heart because at that very moment, I was celebrating, not only the win with my son, but the moment in his life, and we are both cherishing it. Precious Son, you are the reason my heart smiles for I love you so.

Page 5. Beautiful Daughter's page. She, too, wrote a letter and the tears, if they had dried up, fell again. Beautiful Daughter went on to tell me how she would pray to God every night to take my cancer away and give it to her. She explained how angry she was at the whole situation and how it was not fair that "everyone's favorite mom" had cancer. She tells of how she "giggles in her head" when her friends talk about how "awesome" I am because she knows they only get me for "brief amounts of time" while Beautiful Daughter "gets me forever". She goes on to say how I can make her laugh until her "cheeks hurt". She finished up by saying that she "could not ask for more in her life other than to have this cancer taken away from her mom". Oh, my sweet, precious, Beautiful Daughter...I love you with all my heart.

Page 6. The Page of Babs. Here we go. If I thought I would be able to get myself together and read clearly without crying after Big Daddy and the kids' pages, I was w-r-o-n-g! Babs wrote to me and told me how I was the one who was with her when her world collapsed seven years ago. She went on to say how I was there to hold her hand, wipe her tears and help her "find her next breath". Our two families have been through a tremendous amount of heartache and hurt, but the most defining statement about our two families is that we went through all things together. Babs and Ken are not just our "friends", they are the ones we have chosen as family. Life happens, sure enough...and as long as I know Babs is on her way, I can and will get through. She has the sweetest soul, the brightest smile, and the most giving spirit of anyone I know. I love you and your family beyond words...

Page 7. MIDGE!!!! Ok, she wasn't in my living room, but she was in the scrapbook!! As it turns out, my surprise coincided with Midge's family Christmas dinner with people coming from out of state, etc. However, she, too, had contributed to my scrapbook and there she was in all her glory, staring back at me through these amazing pages of love. Midge had written to me, as well, and I was so impressed that when I saw her letter, I cried. I believe I uttered something along the lines of "this is amazing because she hates to write and she hates to be mushy, but here it is!" *sniff, sniff* The tears kept on coming. Midge is very private with her emotions so as I read about "becoming a sister" as opposed to just a friend and how my faith helped her to "deepen her own". I could cry now, as I type this because it was so out of Midge's comfort zone to put these thoughts and feelings on paper...and then to sign off with "I love you". Midge is the culmination of good people, good things, and good sense...and she continues to choose me to hang out with. I AM BLESSED!!! Midge, I love you, too!!

Page 8. Lucy's page. The funniest thing about Lucy's page is that she hates having her picture taken and it shows. LOL For every picture placed in my scrapbook, Lucy is smiling that smile that people do who aren't really in the mood to smile. You know, teeth clinched, one eyebrow kind of raised as in "hurry up and take the stupid picture!!!", and head cocked to one side as if posing but not really... LOLOLOL That's her. She wrote to me, too, and even though our friendship arose from my having breast cancer, she has shown me what it is to live beyond the diagnosis. The pink hat, the pink pins, the pink shirts...none of that is for her anymore because that is not how she defines herself. Lucy's favorite color used to be pink...and then she was diagnosed with breast cancer and inundated with pink. And so it is with her life...she used to have breast cancer, but now she just has life. She is a survivor and has zero time for any recurrence, so we don't even go there. In Lucy's letter to me she said that I had "brought healing to her mind, heart, and soul". How ironic...she does the exact same thing for me. I love you, Lucy!!!

Page 9. Ms. B's page. Ms. B wrote me a letter and included one of my favorite quotes. It is from Barbara Bloom and it says: "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something has suffered damage and has a history, it becomes more beautiful." Ms. B went on to say that I have "become more beautiful each and every day of this journey" and how she is "honored" to have me as a friend. Ms. B, as I have mentioned, is one of those giving people that never tires or grows weary of doing what is good and right for others. She has continually lifted me up and provided a sense of hope that I would overcome the obstacles in my path, even when the obstacle was cancer. Ms. B and Jack, I love you and your entire family more than I could ever put to paper and your faith in me gives me the determination to continue this journey with grace, just as I have watched you both gracefully tackle your own obstacles.

Page 10. Elay's page. Never before have I had the pleasure of knowing someone as you, Elay. We have laughed together and cried together, each event drawing us closer and uniting our hearts as sisters. You and Uncle Bill have given me the "okay" to cry and the "okay" to live out loud. I adore our time with you both, but Elay, you simply must know, I treasure the time you and I have spent alone when we were able to share and build each other up. You are a remarkable woman with a strength to endure anything. I am so very thankful that God blessed this friendship and the way it has grown. Speaking of blessings, you are one of my biggest. I love you!!!

Page 11. Titan, Trooper, Hank, and Harley's page. YES!!! They included Mommie's Babies!!! Any scrapbook related to me would certainly be incomplete without a page for my pups. Anyone who knows me knows of the "unhealthy relationship" between me and my dogs. LOL I adore these creatures and literally thank God for them. It is an unconditional love that my dogs have for me... if I mess up, they don't care. If I am late to an event, they don't care. If I burn the brownies, they don't care. If I get pulled over for speeding, they don't care. (LOL) Regardless of what I do or don't do, these dogs love me. When I get home, I am an absolute celebrity for a good ten minutes with them. When it is bedtime, we all snuggle down and await the Sandman. So, to Titan, Trooper, Hank, and Harley...I RUFF U!!!

The expression of love with this Scrapbook goes far beyond anything I have ever seen outside of Big Daddy's love for me the past twenty years... It is full of friendship, kinship, love, and care and there really are no words that can ever convey how much it means to me. I have looked at this Scrapbook every day, several times a day, since it was given to me because at my fingertips is the love that has sustained me through some very dark periods throughout the past ten years along with memories of incredible joy and growth. I still find it impossible to associate myself with such terms as "amazing, courageous, inspiring", and yet, you, my family and friends, do.

The word to describe me while holding my beautiful, thoughtful Scrapbook?

Humbled.

I love each of you and thank you for the most wonderful gift. I will treasure it always and forever.