My Third First Day of Work

So, my first, first day of work, was when I started my job.
My second, first day of work was when I went back to work after my surgery and then became deathly ill and my doctor told me to stay home until after the hard chemo.
These "firsts" lead us to today...my third, first day back at work...and it was a good day.

Everyone seemed pretty glad to see me. Everyone was nice. Where I felt awkward and out of place last time, I did not this time. There had been some rearranging of areas and teams, but I was glad to be back and thankful for my job.

Considering my position requires a federal security clearance, I had to be re-instated. When I left today, I still did not have access to my computer but I did have access to the women's restroom. Honestly, by 3pm, I am not sure which was more important to me.

My i.d. cards had to be re-made and I had to be re-entered into the entire system. Oddly enough, the IT department couldn't "find" me and the security officer's computer locked up while entering my data. So you see, I am not only a medical anomaly, but also a workplace anomaly, as well. Yay me!!!

The day was going along fine when Big Daddy walked in... He had come just to check on me and to make sure I was doing okay. (I may have a tendency to say I am okay when I am in fact, not so okay.) I could not have been any more glad to see someone than him. I had missed him very much since I had walked out the door this morning. He had gotten home around 5:30am and waited up to see me off for my first day back to work. That was an incredibly kind gesture of support considering how sleepy he must have been. I love him so much...

The day went on and eventually it was time to leave. I could not record my time since I have no computer access, but that's okay because I have three weeks to do it. What? Why do you have three weeks to account for your time, Pandora? Well, because this is Week 2 of our pay cycle, meaning I won't be paid for three weeks.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I know, right?

Yet again, though, God has provided and we are able to pay our bills and such with our business account because we had a great season for our lawn and landscaping company. Things work out when you know who to ask. I asked God.

I want to put money back into our business after my paychecks start coming in. Not because I have to or because Big Daddy asked me to...he doesn't even know I want to, but I do. I guess it is like the business floated me a loan while I was not getting paid and I would like to return the favor. I don't know. I can tell you one thing though, when Big Daddy reads this, he will tell me not to worry about it and not to put any money in there. I would like to repay the business so that when Big Daddy looks at the balance, he will see his hard work paying off. What kind of price tag can you put on that?

I came home after work and went right back out. We had no milk. Precious Son and I will literally die without milk. I had also fixed tonight's dinner last night because I had fixed last night's dinner the night before. Apparently, we were hungry. Anyway, I had to get something to cook for dinner and so, out I went.

I am cooking now while I am writing this little re-cap and I must say, there is something to be said of routine. I am sure if I like it yet or if I prefer more spontaneity, but I do know that being home when the kids came home from school or practice was wonderful...spending my weekdays with my husband for the first time in forever was also wonderful...and being able to focus all my energy on being a good wife and mother was beyond wonderful. Now that I am back to work, I still struggle with the whole balancing act thing. It is very difficult to let go of what the past few months afforded me and "go back to work".

You may think I am lazy and just don't want to work. I don't believe that to be true. I want to work...I just want to do my job from my house, while the kids are at school and my husband is with me. Women have fought this battle forever and it has not become easier just because a few decades have passed. If I work, am I a bad wife and mother? If I stay home, am I lazy and not motivated to contribute financially to the family? Is a working mom a good role model? Should I have home-schooled? Is it enough that our children can go to any college they want because we worked outside the home? Did our children miss out on maternal comfort when I was not home after school because of my job? Did anything I did or didn't do alter even a small portion of the world for the better? Ugh.

I don't have any answers...this isn't the way I wanted this post to go...

My third, first day back to work was good. Everyone was nice. I have no computer access. I now have milk.