Allow me to enlighten you...
Big Daddy and I met when he was a Big Kid. I was older than he was and just always felt "weird" about it. We worked at the same place in a very small town. I had gone back there after college to "find myself", thinking maybe to be where my parents had last lived and had raised me, I would find some peace. Instead, I found this self-assured kid with big plans for his future. He was getting out of that small town and joining the military. His mom even told me once that he had wanted to be a soldier since he could speak and that was all he ever spoke about.
No one knew we were dating because there were policies in place to prevent such nonsense as management dating non-management. I'll tell you what, to this day, remembering the looks on the faces of the people we worked with when we announced our engagement was priceless. LOL One older woman came up to me later that same day and said, "I didn't even know y'all knew each other!" God love her heart.
So, I was/am older than Big Daddy. We have been married for almost twenty years and you would think I would be over that insecurity by now. It's obviously not some fling. I always thought that women who married younger men were viewed as "cradle robbers" or "cougars". I was neither. I was tricked!
Big Daddy led me to believe he was a college student and so, we discussed college-y things. Eventually we even attended college together as I wanted to pursue my next career...whatever it was. We fell in love, neither of us concerned with something as trivial as "age". When we did figure it out, as with true love, it was too late. *smile* We dated secretly for two years and he eventually went into the military. I was always so concerned with everyone knowing our timeline so they would not think we "had" to get married because that would mean I had trapped him.
God, was I that horrible??? That old, cradle-robbing broad!
Next question...where did these thoughts even come from to begin with?!?!?!?
Anyway, here is the timeline that I have wanted to publish/yell/screenprint across all shirts and cute, little tops:
November 1991 - Big Daddy joins the Army leaves for Ft. Benning, Georgia while I live and work in Virginia by myself...
December 24, 1991 - Big Daddy proposes (I say yes)...awwww
February 21, 1992 - (Friday) I arrive in Georgia from Virginia to see Big Daddy graduate from Basic Training at Ft. Benning
February 22, 1992 - (Saturday) Big Daddy & I drive back to Virginia from Georgia to have our wedding rehearsal Saturday evening
February 23, 1992 - (Sunday) Big Daddy & I are married (YAY!!!)
February 24, 1992 - (Monday) My birthday and we get pregnant (date is according to the OB-GYN calendar no one understands how to use except OB-GYN's and I think they are faking it)
February 28, 1992 - (Friday) Big Daddy deploys to the South Korean DMZ as his first tour of duty. (Yes, as in one week from his graduating and five days after our wedding)
November 19, 1992 - Precious Son is born (please use your fingers to count that is exactly nine months from our wedding date...there was no entrapment, no cougaring, no way I was pregnant before the wedding if he was in Georgia and I was in Virginia, so I can let this go!)
February 26, 1993 - Big Daddy comes home to Virginia and meets his son for the first time.
Ok. So, obviously I was not pregnant when we got married. So why would I continually torture myself with having to prove this marriage was real and viable and not a fling?
I dunno.
All I have ever come up with is that people doubt the authenticity of this marriage because I am older than my husband. Twenty years later seems to make no difference. I still worry that people will think I trapped him. Ugh. What is wrong with me???? Who cares what other people think, anyway??!?!?!?
Oh, yeah. That would be me.
I have lied about my age so much that honestly, I could not tell you how old I am without thinking about it. I just wanted people to like me, like Big Daddy, and like "us" without having anyone judge us. Oh, if only I could have all THAT energy back!
Well, things change.
If there is someone or even a lot of someones out there who think I am a horrible person because I married the man I loved, then so be it. I cannot change your mind and I no longer care what you think. You have the timeline above to reference, proving there was no entrapment. We literally got married because we loved each other. No drama. Just love. So, instead of worrying about the why's and why not's of our marriage, perhaps time would be better spent if you concentrated on your marriage, or lack thereof, instead of ours. Thank you.
Phew. That felt good.
Secondly, I have been given surprise birthday parties here and there and was always too afraid to enjoy them because I was so worried people would figure out my secret...that I am older than my husband. The shame! I have recoiled and shuddered and broken out in a sweat when asked my age, my husband's age, or how old our oldest is because I knew people were doing the math.
Well, granted, I am older than Big Daddy, so you got me there, but Precious Son was honestly and truly conceived after the "I do's". (reference above timeline if still in denial)
So, here we are, rapidly approaching another February 24th, another birthday to catapult me even further from Big Daddy's age because his birthday isn't until April. However, this birthday is different...
This birthday comes on the heels of a cancer diagnosis that makes birthdays something to wish for, not to hide from. This was brought to my attention last night as I was given my very first surprise party with my new life view and the blessings of cancer.
We were invited to Babs' house for dinner. She has been wanting us to come over there for a couple of weeks now and our schedules just would not cooperate. Well, she offered to make meatloaf, my favorite, and so schedules were changed and we agreed to be there at 6:30 for dinner.
Mmmmm. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes (real ones, not from a box), green beans, corn on the cob, and Key Lime pie for dessert (my contribution). I ate lightly all day because of what dinner would bring. I was starving at 6 and at 6:15, we headed on over to Babs' house. She had asked me to call her when we were on our way so she could put the bread in the oven. Mmmmmm, bread...
So, we pulled out of the driveway and I called. She scolded me for being late (although I do not think ten minutes is late when you consider how late we normally are) and we headed on over. Big Daddy asked what we were having and I told him and just saying the menu items made me even more hungry than before. We pulled into the driveway and I think I almost ran to the door!
I opened the door and lo and behold if all our friends weren't standing there yelling "Happy Birthday, Pandora!!!!!"
What?!?!?!?!?!?
First of all, I have never been surprised because I always figure stuff out before the big day, and here I was, not only surprised, but flabbergasted. Everyone just smiled these huge smiles and a few jumped up and down and everyone was so happy...so happy for my birthday. It was an incredible moment of confusion, excitement, and pleasure to even have another birthday. Not too many months ago, I wasn't sure I would...
There were all sorts of wonderful things for me and all in pink!! A pink butterfly-adorned magic wand, a pink boa, pink gloves with sparklies, a pink sash, pink balloons, pink plates, napkins, and cups, and although horribly gaudy, a bombastic pink hat with candles on top of it that would help with an insanity plea in any court. In other words, it was fantabulous!!!
My birthday cake was from one of the most delicious bakeries in town and it was devils food cake with cream cheese icing...my favorite!!!! The cake was beautiful with a pink crown with pink jewels encrusted and shiny and edible! LOL This cake was the most lovely I have ever had in my honor...and I was truly humbled by the love for each person standing with me as I blew out my candles.
There was a UK basketball game on and we all watched it together after we had eaten our fill of all the best finger foods in the world, another favorite!!! Meatballs, mini corn dogs, flautas, fresh guacamole, spinach dip, veggie tray, 7-layer dip and chips, sausage balls, pigs in a blanket, and a host of other dishes I never even saw because I was staring at my cake. hahaha
I was showered with love and affection and our team even won! (I love a close game IF we win...LOL...and it was cuh-lose!) Everyone was in high spirits and the cake had been cut and joined by huge scoops of ice cream, and all was well with the world...and then it happened...
Babs brought out the book with the year of my birth on it and opened it up so the rest of the people could see the year...that year long, long ago...the year of my birth...the year of my birth before Big Daddy's...I was terrified.
Babs read how much a house back then cost as opposed to today...how much the annual income was back then as opposed to today...how the other cave people sharpened their tools back then as opposed to today... You get the drift...but something happened inside my head. I knew I couldn't get out of it and I would just have to fess up if asked...
No one asked.
Not one person asked if I was older than Big Daddy.
Not one person left.
Not one person asked for their friendship back because of my age.
Not one person said anything like "Damn you, cradle robber!"
Not one person said anything other than "Hey, I'll bet this birthday means a lot to you, and it should...they all should from here on out."
And so they should.
From this birthday on, I will treasure each one God gives to me and not hide it or deny it. Big Daddy will never catch up to me, for sure, however, he looks much older than me, so it all works out. ROTFLOL
Just kidding... *wink*
I had entertained the idea of saying I was much older than I really am so that others could say... "Now, that's what 60 should look like!", but I thought better of it because crap like that always backfires.
So, as the 24th approaches this week, please take time to think, not of my birthday, but yours. Realize it is a blessing to have one and embrace it. God gave you another birthday...that makes it a gift. I feel great relief as the secret of my age is no longer a secret I keep. If anyone has an issue with me being older than Big Daddy and our twenty year marriage, two children, and more blessings than anyone deserves, have at it...and I will pray for you, as one nutcase prays for another.
Cancer, again, has given me more than it will ever take away.
Happy Birthday to ME!
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