Ouch, Charlie! That Really Hurts!!

So, the radiation is beginning to be "felt", which is odd when you recall I am numb. Another weird thing while on the subject...how strange is it to have an itch where you are numb? What the heck? Will it go away if I pretend to scratch it? I don't know. So far, I have been scratching, but it's all very peculiar.

So, picture it, a slice of uncooked, raw bacon on a plate in your microwave. Now, you set the time for, oh, I dunno, 30 seconds on HIGH. You hit the start button. The sizzling is heard almost immediately and the smell is very distinct. You get hungry. You want bacon.

Now, picture this...

You are receiving radiation to the area just below where your shoulder meets your collar bone. They lay you on a "plate". They put you in a "microwave" and set the timer for two minutes on HIGH. They hit the start button. While there may not be any "sizzling" heard or any distinct "smell of bacon", you know you are being cooked. You are not hungry. You do not want bacon. Actually, you probably don't want bacon at this point out of a resemblance and distaste, pardon the pun, for cannibalism.

So, that is basically what is happening to the area receiving radiation...my muscles, nerves, tendons, flesh, and whatever else is in there since I majored in Ethics, NOT anatomy, is being microwaved. And, just as the yummy slice of bacon shrinks in the microwave as it cooks, so are my muscles, tendons, and nerves. Thus, the limited mobility we discussed earlier and the need for physical therapy.

My left arm hurts, to say the least. If I extend it, it hurts. If I massage it, it hurts. If I lay on it, it hurts. If I cook or clean or eat, it hurts. It is becoming very easy to see how some people choose to not have physical therapy and do their exercises, thus allowing their muscles to become atrophied. It hurts. I tried to describe the feeling to Big Daddy and all I could come up with is "it feels like my muscles are being ripped, shredded...by someone with very long nails...who hates me".

Ew...and ouch.

Now, I am not a champion, as I have mentioned. I do not thrive on pain. In fact, I don't even like to have a mild headache, so this real pain is really bugging me. I find myself "nursing" my left arm, which is bad. I need to move it, exercise it, not allow it to atrophy. Here's the thing...I won't allow it to atrophy. No, I haven't become some sort of masochist or anything cuckoo like that...I just simply refuse to give cancer anymore than I have already.

Beautiful Daughter asked Big Daddy last night about my arm. She was concerned because she had noticed how often I am massaging it...in church, at lunch, at the computer, while driving, while driving poorly, etc. I know when she goes to him with a question about me, it's because she is scared. Yet another reason I will not give into this... Mess with my kids and someone fierce arrives.

Today is Monday and I meet with Claire, the ASTYM therapist and I am excited about that. At noon, she will be massaging pure cocoa butter into my skin and resculpting my scar tissue in order to preserve my current capabilities and encourage healing of the traumatized muscles and tendons. I love her. She gives me hope. My thing is that if someone can give you hope, you should take it.

See you at noon, Claire.

P.S.
I am attaching the video in case you didn't "get" my title choice. Enjoy! ~Pandora
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

Then watch this one...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2IRaDUhd5Q&feature=related

I am so easily amused... LOL...by grown men...LOL...sitting on each other's laps...LMAO!!!