My Boy

We sat across from each other, Precious Son and I, as we ate our dinner. We were at our favorite Mexican restaurant enjoying every delicious morsel, as we always do. The whole family was there including my niece, Rachael, and her two children. It was a wonderful dinner with wonderful company and conversation.

The topic of discussion somehow turned to me and my “throwing away of medicine”. Now, before you get all upset, let me explain. When I have chemo, the nurses give me three medicines, plus the chemo. Two of the medicines do something for nausea or my homicidal tendencies or whatever. One of the pills they give me is just Benadryl. Now, Benadryl makes me incredibly sleepy for h-o-u-r-s, so I usually throw that pill in the trash when the nurse isn’t looking. I had asked before what the Bendaryl does and why I needed it. The nurse said that Benadryl acts as an anti-nausea drug. Oh. Ok. Well, considering my taking that pill means I will sleep the entire day away, I always just pitch it.

I had not told anyone that I was doing this for every chemo treatment, but “someone” did tell on me. So, here we were at dinner and now this was the focus of our conversation. Big Daddy was adamant that I take whatever the doctor has ordered for me to take whether it makes me sleepy or not. Beautiful Daughter went on and on about how I need to follow directions and “obey”. (This is terribly ironic if you know Beautiful Daughter at all…LOL) Rachael and Precious Son really did not say anything. I was getting upset because I felt attacked. It’s just Benadryl, people. Lay off! If I am willing to go without it so I can be awake and not sleep a day away, then let me! It isn’t like I am wanting to stay awake to go to work…I am off on chemo days and want to stay awake to be with YOU!

I was becoming pretty upset but eventually the sopapilla came and I was focused on that, instead. LOL As we all sat there eating our verrrrrrrrrrrrrry tasty dessert, Precious Son asked if he could say something. Everyone looked at him and gave him the floor… He looked me straight in the eye as I watched his lower lip begin to quiver and his eyes fill with tears…

“I love you, Mom. I need you. I need you to be around for me. I want you around for my kids. I need you to listen to your doctors and do what they say. There is an excellent chance they know what they are talking about and are giving you the right instructions to help you. I need you to listen. I need you to do what they tell you to do. I need you to be around to love my kids. Please, Mom, please. Do what they the doctors say. Please. I love you and I need you and I want you around forever.”

The tears were streaming down my son’s cheeks. This boy, this young man, my son…moved to tears on my behalf. I was overcome. Tears trickled down my cheeks, as well as Rachael’s and Beautiful Daughter’s. Big Daddy looked at me from across the table, raised one eyebrow, pursed his lips and shook his head as in “you know he is right”. There was no more conversation for a seemingly long time until the waiter came over and asked if we needed anything else.

I had reached across the table for Precious Son’s hand and he gave it. My 6’4” baby boy looked at me with puppy dog eyes and literally begged me to live…doing whatever it takes. So, on July 30th, 2010, I will receive my chemo for the second time this month and then head on home to sleep the rest of the day. You see, I promised my boy…